The Gift of Failure in My Office video series is available on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, my YouTube channel, and LinkedIn. To make life even easier, here’s a linked guide to all the episodes.
The Gift of Failure: let’s get started!
Giving kids the gift of failure
My 9yo could not tie her own shoes. I did that to her.
My breaking point as a teacher
When did parenting go so off the rails?
Why I promised my kids I’d never put a college sticker on my car
Help kids build an internal barometer for self-worth
I don’t “just want my kid to be happy”
If “I just want my kid to be happy” doesn’t make kids happy, what now?
Intrinsic motivation and the holy grail of learning: flow
If you want kids to NOT want to learn math, pay them for their math grades
Extrinsic motivator cons: decreased motivation and creativity, more cheating
Okay, so how do we get intrinsic motivation?
Increasing choice in my classroom = more intrinsic motivation
Give kids more autonomy at home
More autonomy for kids: clear expectations, logical consequences
Logical consequences for kids when they fail to meet expectations
More on natural and logical consequences
Why I don’t take away electronics as punishment for not doing homework
Want to give kids more autonomy? Here are great places to start!
Please, can we back away from school portals, find my IPhone, and Life 360?
If we give rewards for grades we teach kids to value rewards more than learning
“How do I get my kids to take intellectual or emotional risks?”
Stop nagging kids about grades and start asking them about their goals
Personal goals offer a safe way to experience, process, and learn from failure
Kids who have been highly directed are less able to learn from challenging tasks
That look on a child’s face when they master something themselves? That’s everything.
Confidence and competence are not the same thing
Telling kids how perfect and brilliant they are when they struggle does not boost self-esteem
Some risky activities get riskier the longer we don’t let kids try them
Love the kid you have, not the kid you wish you had
Love the kids we have and not just in exchange for their performance
My kid left her homework at home, should I take it to school for her? (I)
My kid left her homework at home, should I take it to school for her? (II)
My kid left her homework at home, should I take it to school for her? (III)
Taking the homework would have made me feel good, but it would not have been the best thing for her
Autonomy-supportive parenting is not “anything goes” parenting
How to give kids more autonomy around homework
How the one expectation of “do your homework” turned into six and a big revelation
So what are the consequences for my daughter leaving her homework at home?
When kids can’t persist with challenging tasks, they lose opportunities to learn
What are desirable difficulties?
A bit more about desirable difficulties
Never taught your kid how to do household tasks? That’s OK! No shame or guilt allowed!
Teaching kids essential skills: it’s laundry day!
Special Care Instructions: how I taught laundry skills
The first weeks of giving kids more autonomy: patience is key
Giving your kid more autonomy and worried about failure at school? Teachers can be allies!
What controlling/directive parenting looks and sounds like
What autonomy-supportive parents look & sound like
What kind of feedback should we give kids? Great question!
What kids lose when they have no household responsibilities
Household duties = purpose = better mental health
Scaffolding: supporting kids’ autonomy as they learn
Q: What could kids do given enough time & support? A: “Everything”
Is there a book that can help teach kids life skills? You betcha!
Should we pay kids for doing household duties? Absolutely not!
What can kids do? Household duties at all ages & stages
Household duties: what toddlers can do
Variability in ability re: ages and stages
Household duties for preschoolers?
Yep, preschoolers will make mistakes. How we react matters.
Childhood development isn’t a perfect linear slope
Focus on what kids CAN do rather than what they can’t
Want kids to help around the house without being asked?
What can adolescents do to keep the home running smoothly?
Skirmishes on the playground? Let the KIDS resolve them
Intervene in sandbox skirmishes at your child’s SEL and academic peril
How to support kids’ conflict resolution without taking over
The rules of sibling fight club
Let kids see you make up after arguments
What is a parent’s role during play dates and sibling playtime?
Give your kid’s friendships space
How do I remember to let my kids fail in the heat of the moment?
Saying “Be careful!” does not make kids more careful
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