The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

Whether you call it “helicopter parenting,” “overparenting,” or “paving the way for success,” doing too much for kids can backfire and reduce motivation, competence, sense of self-efficacy, even kids’ ability to learn deeply and durably. Veteran teacher, bestselling author, and education journalist Jessica Lahey teaches audiences how letting go and allowing children to learn how to solve problems on their own gives them the tools to grow up to be self-reliant, competent and successful adults who are more likely to become lifelong learners. That’s the Gift of Failure. In this powerful presentation that can be tailored to parents, educators, administrators, coaches, mentors, community members, and students at all grade levels, Jessica Lahey champions daily mistakes and even scary failures as crucial elements of long-term success and learning. She introduces audiences to the research on motivation, engagement, self-efficacy and deep learning while giving them concrete, practical tools for shifting mindsets and behaviors right away.

The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence

It can be so difficult to teach adults and children about substance use prevention, but it’s an essential part of wellness and life success. Lahey has trialed many different versions of her substance use prevention talk and has landed on a few approaches that attract audiences and leave them feeling empowered rather than anxious or shamed. Lahey makes the statistics and research come alive, busts some common myths about adolescent substance use, and offers practical tools for protecting kids from the root causes of substance use and reducing rates of substance use disorder over their lifetime. As requests for information on youth gambling and tech addiction have increased, Lahey has added these topics (and other “process addictions”) to her repertoire and includes this discussion in her substance use prevention discussions.

Parent talk: Lahey offers an evidence-based exploration of what it means when experts proclaim, “Substance abuse is preventable.” She begins with an overview of why humans use and abuse substances, an explanation of why the adolescent brain is uniquely wired for novelty and the risk of substance use while being uniquely vulnerable to those substances in very specific ways. She will identify the major risk factors for substance abuse and explain what adults can do to overcome the weight of a given child's risk factors. Lahey offers an overview of the research as well as concrete, practical takeaways adults can use to change their thinking and behavior and begin preventing childhood substance use and abuse at home. Parents will leave Lahey’s talks feeling informed, challenged, empowered and entertained. 

Educator talk: Substance abuse is preventable, and yet only 57 percent of schools in the United States offer substance abuse prevention programs. Of those 57 percent, only ten percent are based on evidence. Lahey believes can do so much better. Lahey will detail the research on substance abuse prevention and help teachers, counselors, and administration know what to look for in evidence based, effective substance abuse prevention programs that begin in early childhood and extend through high school and beyond. Educators will leave Lahey’s talks feeling informed, empowered and entertained. 

Kid talk: Jess has spent her adult life in conversation with adolescents as a teacher, mentor, mother, and education journalist. Jess trusts, loves, and supports teens and their parents, and in return, they tend to trust her back. Jess offers evidence-based, effective learning and prevention resources that work. She helps teens understand how their brains work, how they learn, and why substance use in adolescence is far more dangerous than substance use in adulthood, after their brains are fully developed. She offers information about the negative short- and long-term impact of addictive substances on the adolescent brain. She explains why we tend to overestimate who uses drugs and alcohol, how much, and why our misperception drives reality when it comes to substance use. She offers concrete, practical scripts kids can use to refuse substances while saving face in social situations and adults can use to open up discussions about substance use with the kids in their lives. She helps kids and adults communicate more effectively by giving both groups language to prime the pump for conversations. Most importantly, she helps kids find the strength to believe that they are good enough, that they deserve take up space in this world and be loved for who they are and not just who the adults in their lives wish they were. Kids will leave Lahey’s talks feeling informed, empowered, and entertained.

The Substance Use Prevention Talk for People Who Are Reluctant to Talk About Substance Use Prevention

Yes, it can be challenging to get people to attend talks on substance use prevention. This may be because of shame and stigma around the topic of substance use disorder, because they are dealing with substance use problems themselves or in their family, or because they erroneously believe all kids drink or use drugs and there’s nothing we can do about it. The talk that has become one of Jess’ most popular is a talk on Gift of Failure topics - increasing motivation, engagement, competence, self-efficacy and self-advocacy in kids - while giving audiences evidence-based information on how increasing motivation, engagement, competence, self-efficacy and self-advocacy in kids also reduces their risk for substance use. Audiences come for The Gift of Failure topics and leave with information on substance use risk, preventative factors, and myth-busting revelations regarding adolescence and substance use (e.g. sipping at home increases risk for developing substance use disorder, as do those “kids are going to do it anyway, we might as well do it in our home and take keys away” parties.

Learning from Failures at Work: Earning Competence, Self-Efficacy & Resilience While Facing Mistakes Head-On

The lessons of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed extend beyond parenting and education, and the skill sets Jess Lahey writes about: building competence, resilience, engagement and motivation are essential for success in the workplace, especially as young adults move into their first adult jobs. Jess speaks at corporations and conventions about moving beyond workplace and personal failures by considering what went wrong, what went well, and leaving the mistakes behind while learning from them. Jess has had the opportunity to share the science and stories of The Gift of Failure at companies as diverse as Clif Bar, US Club Soccer, IDEO, Canyon Ranch, Microsoft, Google, and Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom and at conventions such as Harvard’s Learning and the Brain and the Massachusetts, Texas, Pennsylvania and California Conferences for Women.

Building a Better Team: How Coaches, Team Captains & Other Sports Leaders Shape Team Culture, Resilience & Substance Use

Sports are an incredible testing ground for an athlete’s ability to learn from failure; to figure out what did not work, what did, and move forward from a place of learning and increased focus. Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation teaches coaches and athletes that they have the ability to fuel this learning though experience by creating a culture of adaptation and resilience. What many coaches may not know, however, is they also have the ability to shape attitudes around substance use through modeling and careful selection of team leaders, who have an outsized impact on substance use in sports. Lahey speaks to teams and organizations such as US Club Soccer in order to help coaches and athletes understand the power they have to become more resilient and experienced in their sport while promoting a culture of healthy choices around drugs and alcohol for everyone, athletes and fans alike.

College is More Than a Campus: Helping College Students Gain Competence Through Resilience, Self-Efficacy & Self-Advocacy

Current college students face unprecedented hurdles thanks to the recent pandemic and mental health crisis among young adults. Consequently, many students find themselves unprepared to make decisions, manage conflict, and self-advocate effectively with the people best positioned to help them make the most of their education and move into the workforce. Jessica Lahey uses the science of resilience, competence, and motivation to help students engage in their own education while learning how to set short and long term goals in order to plan ahead for a life beyond college. Finally, Lahey weaves the science of substance use prevention into her messaging around competence and self-efficacy in order to help young adults face the challenges ahead of them without having to resort to addictive substances in order to cope. Lahey’s message is a powerful vote of confidence for young adults looking to take control of their lives and for the parents of these young adults as they struggle to find ways to let go of that control so their kids can grow up on their own terms.