It Gets Better
A few years ago, I made the mistake of accepting an offer to speak at a school that claims to lead and educate from a place of love, but explicitly condemns its LGBTQ students.
When I realized my error, I donated my speaking fee to two organizations that support LGBTQ youth, a donation I made in the name of the school, in honor of its students.
I know kids are suffering at that school because one of them wrote to me shortly after my visit to ask for help. She had recently come out to her parents, and in response, her parents and and the faculty and staff at her school rejected and invalidated her identity. She felt abandoned by the adults she’d trusted most, she wrote to me in an email.
I connected her with an organization in her area that offers the validation and support she needed, and suggested she spend some time watching videos at the It Gets Better Project.
Ironically, one of the major concerns parents and staff at this girl’s school shared with me when I spoke there was the threat of children being lured into the sex trade. I pointed out that according to FBI data, the minors most at risk for being enslaved are homeless and/or runaway kids, kids in the foster care system, and LGBTQ youth - children who are more likely to grow up without the support and love of an adult they can count on. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, “LGBTQ youth account for a disproportionate share of the runaway and homeless youth population. Although LGBTQ individuals only account for three to five percent of the population, they account for up to 40 percent of the runaway and homeless youth population. It is estimated that 26 percent of LGBTQ adolescents are rejected by their families and put out of their homes for no other reason than being open about who they are. Once on the streets, they face a significant chance of becoming victims of human trafficking. More people are enslaved today than at any point in human history, and LGBTQ youth are being trapped in sexual slavery at alarming levels.”
Therefore, if this school was truly concerned about protecting children from the threat of sex trafficking, their first priority should be to protect and support LGBTQ kids. Instead, the school’s student handbook explicitly states that if LGBTQ kids choose to reveal themselves, they are subject to expulsion.
I recently received a new speaking invitation, and I was even more excited than usual. When COVID-19 hit, many of my events were cancelled or postponed into “let’s see what happens” limbo. I usually spend about half of my time during the academic year traveling to speak at schools and community organizations, and I miss it so much. My favorite moments are just after my talks, when I sit on the edge of the stage surrounded by kids who stay behind to say thank you, to chat, ask questions, and share their stories.
As excited as I was about the invitation, I took some time to do my research.
It took me about two minutes to discover that while the school in question purports to love and support all children, they don’t. They love and support the strait kids, sure, but LGBTQ kids need not apply.
I wrote the following response to the school:
Dear [School],
I am so grateful for your interest in what I do, and as always, I am honored to be trusted with the continuing education of your faculty. I adore teaching other teachers (my favorite people!) but I must decline your offer.
My first priority in everything I do in my work is the kids - helping them learn, helping them become their best selves, and loving them as they do so.
Consequently, I can not, in good faith, ally myself in any way with a school that denies the humanity of children based on who they love, and worse, creates trauma for the very kids I aim to serve.
Jess Lahey
I will be heading back out on the road as soon as it’s safe, as I can’t wait to be surrounded by teenagers once again. That’s where I find my hope and my purpose, in these amazing people who will, given the unequivocal love and support of the adults in their lives, make the world a better place for all of us.